I was just chatting with you on msn again awhile ago. The more i ask you rhetorical questions, the more i feel how different we both are. I don't like to be told what i cannot do. I don't like having to ask permission to do what i want with my own body. You did not even give me a valid reason why you objected so strongly against getting inked. All these controlling feeling you give out, is just giving me more doubts, about you and me... I'm not sure anymore.
At times like this, I can't help but compare. Comparing you and him. He lets me get away with murder, i doubt you will do the same for me. Does this mean he truly loves me for who i am? There are questions running through my head daily. It's tiring. Sometimes I can't sleep.
? 4:28 PM
I can't really describe what I've been feeling lately. But I think this song more or less describes it...
Issues by The Saturdays
Ohhh Yeah
Sometimes
I Feel like I’m going out of
My mind,
Boy the way you do me is a
damn crime,
But then you smile at me
and its all right,
With you there aint nothin' in between,
Every time that I walk out the door,
Tell myself I can't take it no more,
There’s a part of me won't let you go
Keep saying yes when my minds saying no,
Chorus:
Me and my heart we got issues,
Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you,
Damn, I wish that I could resist you,
Can't decide if I should leave you or kiss you.
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues.
We got issues, issues, issues.
Its so wrong, boy you leave me hangin' for so long,
You empty out my love until its all gone,
You change the words but still it's the same song,
I’m tired of the melody.
Change my number and throw out your clothes,
But my feelings for you, it still shows,
I keep building the walls round my heart,
But then I see you, and it all falls apart...
Chorus:
Me and my heart we got issues,
Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you,
Damn, I wish that I could resist you,
Can't decide if I should leave you or kiss you.
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues.
We got issues, issues, issues.
Why fight it, cant hide it
Truth is I think I like it,
Confusion, illusions
Still I don’t know which way to go….
Chorus: (x2)
Me and my heart we got issues,
Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you,
Damn, I wish that I could resist you,
Can't decide if I should leave you or kiss you.
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues.
We got issues, issues, issues.
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues
We got issues, issues, issues,
We got issues, issues, issues
We got issues, issues, issues
Me and my heart we got issues
Don’t know whether I should hate you or miss you.
? 9:04 PM
Three weeks ago, I broke up with The Boyfriend. We were 2 weeks away from making our mark of 3 whole years of being together. This time, it was nobody's fault. This time, it really is 'it's not you, it's me" kinda thing.
? 2:39 PM
I have ignore this blog for way too long...
? 12:25 AM
It's not as bad as it looks. Trust me. I didn't even feel it. Not the physical pain anyway.
It wasn't an attempted suicide although it sure does looks like it. I was just trying to get a message across. Totally opposite of I-love-you-please-don't-leave-me-or-I'll-kill-myself situation. More like stay-out-of-my-life-I-can't-take-your-shit-anymore.
"Is it going to scar??" Obviously I wasn't thinking of that when I ran the blade across my wrist. Most probably it will scar by the looks of it. "It's ok," a friend said. ".... gives you more character..." Words of comfort, just what I need to hear.
? 7:01 PM
We live in a world of worst case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping from the best because too many times the best doesnt happen.
but every now and then something extraodinary occurs.
And suddenly, best case scenarios seem possible
and every now and then something amazing happen.
? 9:01 PM
No one believes their lives turn out just kinda ok.
We all think we're going to be great.
And from the day we decide to be somebody, we are filled with expectationss.
Expectations of the trail we will blazes, the people we will help, the difference we will make
Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go,
And then, we get there...
We all think we're going to be great.
And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.
But sometimes our expectations sell us short.
Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.
You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing....still.
The expected, just the beginning, the unexpectated is what changes our lives.
? 8:47 PM
First, do no harm but harm happens.
And the guilt happen and there's no manual on how to deal with that.
Guilt never goes anywhere on its own.
It brings its friends, doubt and insecurity.
Do no harm. Easier said than done.
The fact is most of us do harm all the time.
Sometimes even when we're trying to help, we do more harm than good.
And then the guilt rears its ugly head.
What you do with the guilt is up to you.
We're left with a choice
Either let the guilt throw you back into the behaviour that got you into trouble in the first place
Or learn from the guilt
And do your best to move on.
? 3:07 PM
The fantasy is simple.
Pleasure is good.
And twice the pleasure is better.
That pain is bad.
And no pain is better.
Bu the reality is different.
The reality is that pain is there to tell us something.
And there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomachache.
And maybe that's ok.
Maybe some fantasy are only suppose to live in our dreams.
? 1:03 AM
